I generally always have a commentary or sound track going on in my head. I expect a lot of people do without realising it. But now there was a new voice and it wouldn't go away.......it still hasn't and I'm writing this 6 months on.
The days after he left were surreal. Everything carried on but there was a quiet around me, a feeling of disbelief that it had ended. It was my choice, I don't claim otherwise, but it felt like my world had been wrenched apart and this hollow, numb feeling set in where I couldn't quite believe it.
We had true happiness, contentment and real bliss. And then we didn't. And from then on, we never really came back together again and I never saw it for what it was - now a fractured, damaged relationship that wasn't going to survive. But we kept going, neither wanting to give in despite the undertone of imbalance, tension and drift and I truly loved him. Then it cracked - a fissure too deep to ignore, and no way back.
As most therapists will advise, writing, journalling, making gratitudes list etc are all good ways to seek emotional clarity and make sense of the mess that our brains and hearts experience following the break down of a relationship.
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